A friend and I decided to go to the Florida Keys to go diving for lobster. After all, it was the pre-season for lobster-the all important time of the year when 20,000 divers converge on the Florida Lobster in a frantic race to see who can capture their limits in a 3 day frenzy, a dangerous place to swim. We had planned this dive trip for months, anticipating the capturing of dozens of lobster to freeze and bring back to give to our friends.

My friend, Don, is single, 32 and a great diver. I am 50, married for 30 years, and a big joker. So we are off on this great adventure: us against the elements-footloose and fancy free.

I am a joker, by choice, and a teacher by trade. Don is also with the school system, in the capacity of Custodial Engineer.

The spouse could not join us on this adventure as she had to work and she wanted to go visit her sister instead, which suited us just fine.

Two weeks before the grueling trip, five hours to Key Largo, I began downloading 220 pages of jokes off the Internet to read on the drive. The plan was that Don was going to read them to me as I drove!

Two lucky guys going on a four day diving trip-no wives, no significant others, no responsibilities. Even luckier, we were staying at my parents house who happened to live on the Atlantic Ocean side of Key Largo in the beautiful, romantic, and remote Florida Keys.

The day finally arrived. We were off! We left at noon and the jokes started flying! I laughed till I cried-life was good! I honestly cannot remember driving one mile because we were laughing so hard, and suddenly we were there! I could not believe how fast the trip had seemed. We arrived about 5pm and stored our gear and sat down for dinner with the folks and talked till about9pm, and the parents upped and went to bed-their usual! God, I hate to think about getting old-9pm is when the zone comes alive! They are heading for bed? I hope their computer works-we know how to have fun after they go to bed!

I am glad u asked-what is the zone? It is a fantastic site on the Internet that is FREE. It’s for people who love to play cards, board games, action games, etc. The address is www.zone.com. So, we jumped into the hearts and spades rooms for some friendly games of cards. In the zone there are hundreds of tables with 4 chairs each. You can play and chat with people all over the world, from every walk of life, and meet friends that you have played with before. There is an interactive chat bar while you are playing-you can type in your conversation with the people on the table while you are playing. There is no limit or rules about what you can or cannot say. It can sometimes get a little steamy in these rooms. My nickname in the zone is Smilemaker and Don’s name is Peace. We are both very sociable and funny and have many friends in the zone.

As we were playing spades and talking amongst our friends, telling everyone about the impending lobster diving trip that is coming up in the morning, a new "face" appeared in the room which neither of us recognized. We had never seen this nickname before. Suddenly the new name wanders over and sits down at the table where we are talking. The name was b_b_b_b, which in itself, was rather unusual. Since we were both jokers, we started right in teasing about what the bbbb might stand for. Many variations came up, like Beautiful, Blue-eyed, Blonde, Bombshell, etc. Up to this point we did not even know if this was a he or a she, as they had not offered any communication upon the table-they had not spoken since the name sat down. Don pops up with a clever name: Big Boobed, Blonde, Babe that brought a response from the mystery person. Fortunately, for us, it turned out to be a female, and she was quiet because she did not know anyone-this was her first night in the zone. She asked if we knew of anyone who could teach her how to play hearts. Well, of course, being overly friendly to new people, especially females, we both volunteered.

We took her over to the Hearts room and sat down at a table with 2 other complete strangers. After 20 minutes, we found out she was from our hometown, she was 31 years old, single, and loved lobster!!

Now we’re getting somewhere! We told her about our upcoming dive trip and she was thrilled!

She made us promise to bring her some lobsters when we returned home. No problem!

Don was floating on Cloud Nine-a single lady in our own town and he was going to bring her lobsters! We played cards for about an hour then allowed how we had to get some sleep for we were diving at 6am. She told us she would be in the zone the next evening to find out how we did diving. Neither of us could hardly sleep, anticipating the dive, and wondering how great it was going to be to tell the mystery lady about our day's success.

That next morning, we set out in a friend’s boat, along with 5 other friends, and within an hour we had captured 42 lobsters. We rushed back to shore, dumped out lobster, and returned to the same spot to capture more.

When we arrived back at the house with our split, we had about 25 lobsters-not bad for a few hours of recreation! We were scheduled to go out diving for the next 3 days as well! What a wonderful experience diving provided. We could not have been more pleased. After cleaning the lobster and freezing 20, we ate dinner-lobster of course- and talked to the parents about our experiences. 9PM arrives and they are off to bed again-I cannot believe they sleep so much! Where’s that computer? It was time for us to share our success with the lovely bbbb. We wondered if she was online this early?

Suddenly the phone rings! I picked it up-it was the spouse, back home, checking up on us. She had called to give me a goodnight kiss and to say that she was leaving for her sister’s. I told her we would be home on Sunday and she agreed to be home by then as well. I said goodnight and reminded her to drive carefully, after we told her how well we had done. She had no idea of the fun we are about to have-for that matter-neither did we! I also did not mention the fact that we had found Don a girlfriend on the Internet that lived in our own town. Ahhh! Alone at last, the guys and the computer!

BB was there waiting for us when we arrived! She excited about our success and wanted to know more about us. We told her everything, including the fact that I was a happily married man! I did share with her that Don was single and looking! We had asked her several times about her occupation, but she had always shied away from revealing this to us. We talked for about 3 hours-alone on a table-just BB and us-we had the doors locked so no one could join us-we were all alone! We could say anything, as long as we did not offend the new person-we did not want to upset her-so we just listened to her talk-(listening is really watching her type-since there are no voices in the rooms-yet).

We talked and laughed for about 5 hours! This was really fun! Finally, BB announced that she was a model, working for Cosmopolitan Magazine! We both looked at each other in disbelief-we have heard so many people say they are this or that-who knows if they are telling the truth?

You have nothing to go on except their word. So, we were a tad skeptical, but played along with her. Then she gives us a website to check out her photos-www.lalooks.com.

We rushed to the site, opened it, followed the instructions she had carefully described to us-and sure enough, there on the page, was a dazzling selection of 50 beautiful models. We scanned row after row until suddenly, there she was! Barby Bell! Oh my God! Could this be real? The stats were unbelievable-right down to her shoe size!! We were both jumping out of our seats at this revelation! It’s a wonder we did not wake the folks with all of our whooping!

BB began to slowly open up with us and begin a gentle teasing, which I found enticing. Don knew the language of love, and he knew all the right thing to say-I was the typist and he was the book. Did I feel guilty talking to a single woman on the Internet? Not at all! After all, this was the Internet-no faces, no phones, harmless conversations with other bored people. Besides, I kept telling myself, the biggest reason I was interested in BB was to set Don up with a nice gal. After all, I was happily married, and he was far from it!

Let me say this, before we go any further-I have never cheated on my wife in the entire 30 years of our marriage and I am reasonably sure she has never cheated on me. We are soulmates. She is my best friend.

So why am I talking to this single woman, who seems to be getting more and more friendly with each passing statement? Curiosity? I do not know. It seemed harmless enough. For now.

BB began asking questions about where we were staying and suddenly she came up with the Mother of all Plans. She told us that she had a permanent room in the Key Largo Marriott Hotel in Key Largo! Cosmopolitan Magazine provided the room year round because of the work they did for Marriott Hotels! She announced that she was going to fly down to Miami, drive to Key Largo, and pick us up at my parents house in her limo the following day!! My heart skipped a beat!! I darn near fell out of the chair!!

Don was shell shocked! Could this be happening to US?

She gave me the phone number to the Key Largo Marriott Hotel and told me to call to confirm their arrival. She said she and a friend, named Lori, were flying down, they would be in the hotel by 6pm Saturday night. They would call before they picked us up!! She said that she was VERY interested in me and she was bringing Lori to entertain Don all weekend!! I asked her to describe "entertain" and she did- so graphically that I was awestruck. We were going to return to the Marriott, the head chef was going to prepare the lobster, and serve us in their suite. After dinner, they were going to take us out on the town for a night that we would never forget!!!

After that, we were going to return to their suite for an evening of sexual fantasies! They were going to entertain us as we have never been entertained before!

By now-I needed an oxygen mask! I looked at Don, he looked at me-we both said "WOW!!!"

BB said her good-byes for the evening-it was about 4am- and told us to be watching out for her that night about 6pm! Who could sleep?? 4AM and we just sat there in total disbelief! For the first time in my life,

I was at a loss for words!

Sunrise came and went-we were still sitting there in total shock! We had not moved from the spot! We were still online, still in the card zone, but we were just so surprised over what had happened we couldn’t come to grips with the reality that in less than 12 hours, 2 voluptuous models were driving up into my parents driveway to pick us up and return us the next morning! Oh my God! How was I going to explain this to my parents?? Well, I had 12 hours to figure out what to say to them. More importantly, neither of us had ANY decent clothes to wear for the evening!

I am very skeptical in any kind of Internet arrangement. I do not trust anyone. What kind of idiots do you think we were? What could I do to validate the plan? I had the phone number to the hotel-I could try that! So I dialed the phone number BB had given us. No way could this be for real. The person who picked up the phone announced, "Key Largo Marriott Hotel, may I be of assistance?" I dropped the phone and fell into my seat!

Next, I contacted a friend of mine on the Internet named Cinnamon, who worked for Warner Brothers in California. I asked her if she had ever heard of a model named Barby Bell? She replied, emphatically, that Barby was the hottest model in Hollywood at the moment and she worked for many magazines including Cosmopolitan!! Yes, she did live in our home town in Florida!!

At 9AM when the doors opened, we both raced into KMART (big spenders from the East) and blew $200 on KMARTs best!! Thank goodness I did not have a bunch of money available or I may have really lost my head!

We both got haircuts! We canceled our dive trip for that day-who could dive-thinking about what

marvelous creatures were winging down to be with us? At this point, I did feel a tad guilty. I reasoned that I could always insist that I get a ride home after we had the lobster dinner, they could both entertain Don, without me-and he would owe me big time for the rest of his life!! I knew that I could NEVER explain why I even wanted to go to the lobster dinner-the wife is understanding-but this may push the limits!

We came back home about 4pm. My mother met me at the door and asked who BB was? Oh NO!

How do I explain this to my mom, of all people? I squeaked out a response to the tune of someone we had met on the Internet and she was the daughter of someone we knew back home. Mom told me that BB had called and to tell us that she and Lori could not make it that night-they had an emergency and they would see us online that night about 11 to explain and apologize! BUMMER! Both of our hearts dropped to the floor and slid down the stairs. What a let down! Why had this happened to us? Were they just teasing us and playing on our emotions? Neither of us could even look at each other-we were so depressed.

We took all the clothes back to Kmart and reflected how we had also missed a good day of diving. This was terrible! We could not even eat dinner. Mom and dad kept asking what was wrong and we just sat there kind of moping and did not talk much.

I barely had the energy or enthusiasm to get into the zone that night after the parents went to bed.

The wind had gone from my sails. We entered the room and sat down-people would say hi- we neglected to return the hellos. From out of nowhere, another stranger sat down at our table and explained that she was Tuitty_Fruitty and that she was another model friend of Lori and BB and she explained why they had to rush to Tampa for an emergency photo shoot for Cosmopolitan Magazine! She was very convincing. She also said that the girls were flying back home and they would be joining us on the Internet at midnight. She said that BB was so upset that she had disappointed us that the three of them were going to give us a night on the Internet that would be almost as good as being there and that we could get together after we got back home! Our energy had been restored! We were enthusiastic once again! Tuitty told us she was to "warm" us up until the other two go online. She began telling us sensual things that Lori and BB liked to do-for us to be aware of their likes and dislikes and how we could be most effective at pleasing them! Oh my God! She told us things- I did not have any idea of what she was talking about-but old Don-he was sitting there taking down notes and smiling like a cat!

About 12:30am, click, click, two people pop onto our table-BB and Lori had arrived! WHOOOO HOOOO!!! The very first thing BB asked me was "Did you get the magazine?" I responded with "What magazine?" Then Tuitty said that she had forgotten to tell us that we had to have a copy of the August Cosmopolitan Magazine. Darn! Where am I going to get that at this time of the night?? BB asked if there was not one in the house and I told her I did not see one. She told me that she could not do anything with us unless I had a copy of the magazine so unless I could produce a copy they were just going to sit there and be pretty.

I jumped out of my chair, grabbed my car keys and took off into the middle of the night! I had no idea what store carried Cosmopolitan-much less-which store was open this time of the night! I drove 45 miles before I found a store open that carried the copy I needed so desperately! I sped home! When I arrived Don said they would not even talk to him.

I told BB that I had a copy! Suddenly, all 3 of them became excited and started talking all at once.

Lori said for us to turn to page 141 where we would find a picture of her in lingerie-what a knockout!!

Tuitty said she was on page 284 and there was a beautiful redhead wearing nothing more than a smile on that page!

BB told me to turn to the inside cover-there in a fold out page-was the most beautiful girl in the whole book! She told me to cut out all 3 pictures and tape them to the computer screen-so we could see them when they were talking to us!

At this point-I have to tell you that because of my modesty-I could never tell you all the things BB told us that night-I will leave it to your imagination-but I will tell you this-I was in SHOCK! The only problem with the entire event was that I couldn't be serious about any of this.

I kept making jokes along with the things I was telling her. I mean-it was fantasy! It was not real! Nothing can replace the real! She would tell me things like, "We are lying here on the beach at night. I can hear the waves pounding on the shore, I can feel the wind rustling through my hair, I can hear your heart beating fast, and I can smell your after shave. What do you see and feel, Bob?" I would reply something like, "I also can hear the ocean and feel the wind, and looking up-I see the stars and the constellations. There is Scorpio, Orion, and --Oh My God!! Look at that!! There goes the MIRS Russian Space Station!! I’ve always wanted to see that!" At this point Don would poke me in the ribs and say SHUSH UP with that kind of joke.

Don, my best friend, was doing a slow burn! He could see that I was not entertaining BB. He kept poking me and saying-hey, watch it, you are spoiling the mood! I would not let him close to the keyboard! Not on your life buddy! Tell me what to say-I’ll type! This event, if you can call it that, lasted for 3 hours!! I have never heard anyone talk like these 3 girls talked to us, but it was interesting-to say the least! I just could not get into the right frame of mind. I am thankful that Don is not the violent type! He probably would have shot me-for what happened next bewildered the two of us!

After 3 hours of this jargon, BB came on and said "Bob-you are just not being serious here. You are just clowning around-I don’t think you are taking this seriously!" If you cannot be more aggressive, we are leaving! Three seconds later, bang, bang, bang, they all three disappeared! Poof!!

I thought Don was going to have a stroke! He got so mad at me! He said, "BOB!!!!! Now you have done it-they left!!" What did I do?

I was so confused. I did not know what to say to him. I got up and walked over to another chair and sat down while he got on the keyboard! He searched and searched-in all the hearts and spades rooms-no BB, Lori, or Tuitty-they had vanished!

We sat there in total disbelief!

Forty-five minutes later, BB pokes her head into the room, sits down at the table and asks,

"Bob, are you there?" Neither of us said a word, we just watched to see what she was going to do.

"Bob?" "Don? Where’s Bob?" I told him to go ahead and answer-just tell her that I wasn’t there!

So he replies and tells her that I took off-he did not know where I went-but that I was so upset, so emotional-he was afraid I would do something irrational! He had never seen me like this and he was worried about me!

What a character-I was cracking up! Funniest thing I ever saw! Poor Bob!

"Don? You mean you really don’t know where he is?"

"No-like I said, he tore out of her and he was crying and I don’t know where he went. I’m going to call the police to search for him!!"

"Oh My God!", says the beautiful BB! " I’ve gone too far! Don you have to go find him-right now-I’m not kidding! Please go find Bob and bring him back here! I have to talk to him!"

Both of us are rolling on the floor laughing our fannies off!

"Don?"

"What?"

"Are you sure Bob is gone?"

"Yes, I’m so scared for him!"

Laughing hysterically now!

"Don? I have a confession to make!"

OH NO! Now what?

"I’m not who I pretend to be!" said the wonderful BB.

Well woman-tell me something I do not know!

"Don? Don’t get mad! I’m not who you think I am!"

At this moment- you cannot imagine all the possibilities that flowed through our brains! We suddenly realized that this could be another MALE! ACK!!

"OK! So who are you, really?"

"Don-this is Bob’s wife."

I still don’t remember falling out of the chair! I do remember hitting the tile floor-HARD!

"NO WAY!!"

"Yes, I’m sorry to have put you through all of this, but this has just been a tease for Bob. I know, from what I’ve seen on here, that I will never have to worry about Bob flirting on the Internet for the rest of my life! I know that he loves me and only me-because neither BB, nor Lori, nor Tuitty, could get him to open up and be interested in them. Will you forgive me?"

I don’t know about Don, but I was having a little difficulty believing that this had been my WIFE!

I began asking her the names of her daughter, mother, pets, dead relatives, place of birth, etc. It all checked out! She was the real McCoy! I had been had by my own spouse!!

Don kept asking me how I could let my own wife talk to him that way!! I kept reminding him I didn’t know it was her!

PS: Don and I are still best friends. We still play on the Internet and dive together. He is still thinking of a way to get even with BB! I don’t think he will ever fully recover from this experience. He is still leery of coming over and talking to the wife-or even calling her on the telephone.

PSS: When I returned home from the Keys, I found a note on the door saying "Take a shower!

Get dressed up nicely! Bring flowers! Meet me at the Olive Garden Restaurant at 7pm sharp!"

When I arrived, I cued the hostess to bring the flowers when my date arrived! At 7pm sharp, in walks the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen in my life. She was dressed exactly like the model on the cover of the 1997 August Cosmopolitan Magazine-same red dress-same make up-only much more desirable! She was my soulmate-my love-my clever, adorable wife! When she walked in, every male head in the restaurant turned to admire her! I was so proud of her!

After a fantastic dinner, we walked outside and she handed me a hotel key and told me where to meet her! She had made all the reservations and arrangements for us to spend the weekend in a wonderful suite in town. When we arrived at the room, I personally got to meet BB, Lori, and Tuitty.

How would you have handled the same situation? Watch out men, she is already helping other wives plan scenarios for their husbands on the Internet. No one is safe! Also, she has already told me, she is planning something similar for our 31st anniversary!! ACK!!

PSSS: Cinnamon and another lady friend of mine were in cahoots with the wife to pull off this clever little stunt! I still cant get over the fact that we were so gullible-all in the name of love!

 By Smilemaker .... Copyright