Billy and I met the first week in June 1999, and had formed a special bond from that first night. We had gotten very close , too close for comfort, I might now add. We shared so much of our lives. His family became a part of mine and mine a part of his. He would chat with my sisters and my son, and I, with his daughter and sister. He was the perfect gentleman. In almost every decision in my everyday life, Billy became a consideration, in every problem, he was a factor, mostly in terms of a solution. Billy and I would talk about anything and everything, and was very comfortable doing so.
It was therefore no surprise to him when I told him about another online pal who had been in hospital and from whom I hadn't heard in over a month. He knew how much I cared for this friend and offered suggestions and support. One night, late in April, 2000, when at last, I heard from my friend, I told Billy the good news and how very happy I was. So it was a disheartened Billy who dropped the bomb on me that same night.
Billy said he had had some news to tell me for some time now, but didn't want to add to my burden, knowing how worried I had been about my young friend. He told me he couldn't wait any longer to inform me and was planning to let me know that night, but wished now he had said something before because now he felt like he would be raining on my parade. I assured him that nothing he could tell me would spoil my night, but soon I had to eat my words.
My friend of eleven months informed me that he would be getting off-line in two days and wasn't sure how long he would be away. He offered a reason which I believed because of circumstances about which I had known for a long time and which I could accept. This, however, did not stop the tears from flowing. I remember crying like a baby for the entire length of our conversation that night and although I knew it made Billy sad I just couldn't help myself.
The following night, which was to be our last, was very sad, but also very special. We recalled all the happy times we had shared, and even went back to the 40's chat-room where we had met and "re-lived" our first encounter. The final half hour, I asked Billy to put on his web-cam for me to see him and his grand-son for one last time, and after some hesitation, he did. I said goodbye to Chris and felt so cheated at this twist of fate. The dam had burst again by this time and I was thankful that Billy couldn't see me, but what I did see made the tears flow even more. Billy was also crying!!
This touched me so deeply and hurt so much. Billy kept saying to me that it was going to be all right and that we would meet me again some day. Somehow I knew this wasn't going to be so. We said a tearful goodbye to each other and I went to bed early that night, knowing that it would take me a very long time to fall asleep. Billy was going to stay up a bit to read some poems I had sent him earlier that night and asked him to read after we said goodbye.
Some time during the early morning, I got up and came online and saw this message on my pager. I never deleted it...:>)

Mon May 01 02:16:53 2000): Goodnight Jennie! Going to bed now hon. I just wanted to tell you that I haven't forgotten what Friday is. Happy Anniversary baby. We almost made it a year didn't we. But as far as I'm concerned, we did. Goodbye now love and goodnight. Take care.((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Your Tennessee friend forever...

Well, it has been five months now since that tearful night. I have spoken to Billy only twice since, Once on the phone and once online from his sister's computer. I learnt from his sister recently (when I told her I had seen him online a day or two ago), that he sold his computer some time now . She suggested to me that Billy had begun to get too close to me and couldn't handle it, hence his reason for leaving, or one of them anyway.
I think now, I have accepted the fact that I may never see or speak to Billy again, and although I wish this was not the case, I have come to terms with it. It still hurts when I think of what we had and could have had, but I guess it's for the best..
I still think of him as a very good friend, and who knows...maybe we will meet in the 50's chat-room as he once said, when we're both old and grey. Until then, I will continue to hold Billy close to my heart in that special corner I have reserved for him.
Wherever you are, Tenn, my thoughts are with you, always.

Copyright ... Jill